Writing my own script

Here is my public journal where I share all the glorious thoughts that go on inside my head….

During a recent call, a client of mine had such an aha moment that it gave me literal goosebumps on my skin. I could feel them just awaken!

The context (obviously still respecting confidentiality here) was that they were noticing how stuck they were with a parent. What they truly wanted was for that parent to apologize for their childhood because the parent was not emotionally there for this client.

At the same time, the client was speaking about how they were moving forward and discovering ways they could be a better parent and actively trying to take responsibility for their actions.

And then, there it was, the ultimate discovery:

”I am writing my own script”

Meaning, they felt that they needed validation from their parent in order to move forward with their life. However, seeking that validation meant that they were living by the script (or stuck in a cycle) their parent was in. For this client to truly move forward with the personal discoveries they have been making then they needed to start by seeking their own validation from the life they are choosing to design.

Creating your own set of rules with no guidance is both freeing and completely intimidating. We have a moral compass that tells us if we are doing “good” or “bad”, which really that moral compass was created based on feedback from society and your family units.

It can feel so wrong to actually be doing what is right for you.

Honestly, I too am struggling with this. I am making big changes in my life regarding the relationships I am keeping and the relationships I am releasing.
However, some of those relationships I am releasing are family members. Society pressures us into believing that despite everything “they are family” so you must just be okay with whatever you’re not actually okay with.

Confusing, yes.

How do you stay respectful and truthful?

How do you not compromise your feelings and boundaries while also trying to maintain family relationships?

How do you justify that in this situation you have the correct perspective?

Or are you being dismissive of the possibility of their perspective being correct?

What is more uncomfortable: continuing to go through the motions OR making drastic changes?

These questions (and more) are racing through my head every time I decide not to answer a text message or intentionally ignore sending a celebratory birthday message.

I wonder if the true question here is “How are relationships defined?”, and “Is it okay to write some of the main characters out of the script?”

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Tia Bell is a Registered Social Worker.
Join her for 1:1 Counselling or follow her on IG