Grief and Love
“Grief is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go”
Grief means we have loved. Love means we will grieve. We can’t escape this, and yet we often can’t express it. Throughout my grief study, love has shown up again and again. Many people have said it better than I will, so I’ve decided to end this grief series (for now) with a bundle of words from all kinds of folks who have shared their love and grief with the world in their own ways.
“The honor in grief is the rejoicing of having loved somebody so much that their departure breaks you”
~ Elizabeth Gilbert
Andrew Garfield discusses the death of his mother:
“I love talking about it by the way . . . it’s only a beautiful thing. I hope this grief stays with me because it is all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her”
(soundbite from Cooper, 2022, Sept. 21)
“The purpose of death is the release of love” - Laurie Anderson (Cooper, 2022, Oct. 19)
“Resilience in love means finding strength from within that you can share with others . . . Finding the hope to love and laugh again when love is cruelly taken from you. And finding a way to hang on to love when the person you love is gone” ~ Sheryl Sandberg, Option B
“When I wear this jacket, I feel wrapped in his love. Even 27 years after his death” - Caller 16 (Cooper, 2023, Nov. 29).
“We knew how to love them in their presence, now we must learn to love them in their absence”
~David Kessler
“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose, for all that we loved deeply becomes a part of us.”
“Every time we love, we risk heartbreak . . . The brokenhearted are the bravest among us - they have dared to love.”
~ Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart
If you have experienced grief you have also likely experienced love, even if it’s been complex or uncertain or challenging. Throughout the series on grief, it has been heavy at times, and I hope that by ending with a focus on love we can also end with a note of hope. Our loved ones want us to carry on, and even though it’s hard, it’s worth it.
Love can help us through grief. Recognize the love and invite it to stay with you, complications and all.
Contributed by Ellery, BSW Practicum Student
Resources
Brown, B. (2021) Atlas of the heart. Random House.
Cooper, A. (Host). (2022, September 21).Stephen Colbert: Grateful for grief [Audio podcast episode]. In All there is with Anderson Cooper. CNN Audio. Stephen Colbert: Grateful for Grief - All There Is with Anderson Cooper - Podcast on CNN Audio
Cooper, A. (Host). (2022, October 19). Laurie Anderson: The release of love [Audio podcast episode]. In All there is with Anderson Cooper. CNN Audio. Laurie Anderson: The Release Of Love - All There Is with Anderson Cooper - Podcast on CNN Audio
Cooper, A. (Host). (2023, November 29). Facing our grief [Audio podcast episode]. In All there is with Anderson Cooper. CNN Audio. All There Is with Anderson Cooper - Podcast on CNN Audio
Sandberg, S. & Grant, A. (2017). Option B: Facing adversity, building resilience, and finding joy. Random House Canada.
