Grief & Loss - Mapping
As a first stop on the path to better understanding grief and loss, it seems critical to create an orientation around what exactly we are talking about when we talk about grief. While there are many ways to define this, and grief experiences are uniquely personal, I’m going to do my best to create a basic map to help make sense of some big and ambiguous words. Do the words and accepted definitions matter? That’s up to you - many individuals do find it helpful to put words or labels to experiences. If you don’t, that’s okay, sometimes it doesn’t matter what we call it, we just know it hurts.
Grief
A basic definition of grief from google: “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death”.
Most of us probably understand this definition from a logical standpoint. From an emotional perspective though, grief is so much more than this. We experience grief before, during, after loss. We experience grief when we lose our physical health, our mental health, our expectations, our beliefs, our purpose. Some of these experiences have their own words, some don’t.
Here are some more grief words and their generally accepted meanings:
Acute Grief
Acute grief is what happens right after a loss. The rush of sadness, longing, stress, anger, all the feelings that hit in the moments, days, weeks after a loss. This may also be known in some circles as “normal” grief, but I am leaning away from “normal” as one kind of grief.
Anticipatory Grief
One study defined anticipatory grief as “an emotional response to an expected and inevitable loss, which begins before it occurs, and allows the necessary readjustments until such time as it occurs” (Perez-Gonzalez, 2021, p.1). We often see this kind of grief with aging pets, family members, and with loved ones experiencing dementia or Alzheimer’s.
Complicated or Chronic Grief
Complicated grief is “when something interferes with adaptation” (Brown, 2021). This is a kind of grief that stays with us, keeping us stuck in intense pain.
Compounded or Cumulative Grief
When multiple losses happen to an individual, they may experience compounded or cumulative grief. This can make grieving more challenging as each loss can build upon prior losses or trigger feelings from past loss.
Secondary or Vicarious Grief
Along the lines of vicarious trauma - experiencing grief from a loss that may not have direct connection to yourself. Maybe hearing about someone else’s loss, or supporting a loved one during their loss.
Traumatic Grief
When trauma and bereavement happen at the same time or really close together. Think car accidents, suicide, homicide, or multiple losses happening at once.
While this list may not be all encompassing of every possible term and definition out there, I hope it brings us to a place where we can have a collective understanding of grief terminology as we move into more posts and dig in a little deeper to the grief experience.
Reflection Questions
How might understanding these definitions help us to manage our own grief or support others who are experiencing grief?
What is missing from this list?
What are your thoughts on labeling grief?
Contributed by Ellery, BSW Practicum Student
Resources:
Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the Heart. Penguin Random House.
Rehman, A. (n.d.). What is collective grief? Grief Recovery Center, Houston.
Pérez-González, A., Vilajoana-Celaya, J., & Guàrdia-Olmos, J. (2021). Alzheimer’s disease caregiver characteristics and their relationship with anticipatory grief. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(16), 8838-. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18168838
Shear, K., Frank, E., Houck, P. R., & Reynolds, C. F. (2005). Treatment of Complicated Grief: A Randomized Controlled Trial. JAMA : The Journal of the American Medical Association, 293(21), 2601–2608. https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.293.21.2601
Spain, B., O’Dwyer, L. & Moston, S. (2019) Pet Loss: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief, Memorial Use, and Posttraumatic Growth, Anthrozoös, 32:4, 555-568, DOI: 10.1080/08927936.2019.1621545